1. Sacramento: Fans cheering Bibby's two-handed chest passes.

2. L.A. Lakers: Lakers punching bag for bottom feeders.

3. San Anatonio: Smith outside, Duncan inside spurs title hopes.

4. Minnesota: Stern returns draft picks to punish Timberwolves.

5. Dallas: Cuban won't manage Starbucks.

6. New Jersey: Kidd making even Aaron Williams look like a player.

7. Milwaukee: Karl declares Terry Stotts assistant of the year.

8. Boston: Rick Pinocchio's resume will say he coached Celts this season.

9. Utah: Jarron not playing like scrub half of Collins twins.

10. Torono: Wilkens' 1,000-plus wins not relevant to Raptors fans.

11. Indiana: Croshere becomes hot ? in practice.

12. Seattle: Lewis announces he wants to remain a starter.

13. Orlando: Will Croce be climbing rides at Disneyland?

14. Washington: Gar Heard says his coaching finally paying off.

15. Phoenix: Colangelo ready to trade Skiles for Rivers.

16. L.A. Clippers: Clippers auditioning for Hollywood's next soap opera.

17. Charlotte: No playoffs could mean moving truck won't go by Silas' place.

18. Portland: Kemp loses 10 pounds oversleeping and missing breakfast.

19. Philadelphia: McKey's retirement shorter than Jordan's.

20. Detroit: Stackhouse back to shooting until wrist sore.

21. New York: Knicks name Chaney interim-interim coach.

22. Cleveland: Miller doing everything but Richard Pryor imitations.

23. Atlanta: Ratliff acting like player to be named in Mutombo deal.

24. Golden State: Post-Cowens Era looking like he's still around.

25. Houston: Rice's contribution this season: shooting tips.

26. Miami: Eastern dregs feeling Heat of Miami's playoff push.

27. Denver: Issel spotted at Pepsi Center heckling team.

28. Memphis: On second thought, J-Will feels team doesn't stink like Bulls.

29. Chicago: Best wrestling team in NBA.