1. Sacramento: Little elbow room at the top.

2. L.A. Lakers: Phil Jackson getting bored with Jeannie Buss.

3. Dallas: Earned victories without $121 million man.

4. Minnesota: Owner won't return until Round 2 of playoffs.

5. San Antonio: Charles Smith standing out from the others.

6. New Jersey: Thorn proves drafting Jordan No. 3 not a fluke.

7. Milwaukee: Cassell selected on All-Star Whining team.

8. Toronto: Wilkens' critics should stick to hockey.

9. Boston: Auerbach returns to cigar habit.

10. Portland: Kemp dunked ? a donut.

11. Utah: Road-bound Jazz decline to watch Olympics.

12. Seattle: Nasdaq averaging more rebounds.

13. Detroit: Wallace's hairdo dis- combobulating opponents.

14. Washington: Kwame Brown breaks out ? with acne.

15. Orlando: Checketts in talks with Jackson to coach Magic.

16. Philadelphia: Brown, Iverson renew vows.

17. Indiana: Pacers shooting for Best deal before deadline.

18. Phoenix: Colangelo smoking same thing as Robinson.

19. L.A. Clippers: Kandi Man playing like he wants sweet deal.

20. Charlotte: Attendance figures confirmed by Katherine Harris.

21. New York: Chaney refuses to reveal playbook to Congress.

22. Cleveland: This time, Hill disappeared in regular season.

23. Miami: Jones finally giving maximum production.

24. Houston: "Hallucination" Cato showing real production.

25. Golden State: Brian won't be around next winter.

26. Atlanta: Turned into NBA's version of Talk magazine.

27. Denver: Changing name of arena to Diet Pepsi.

28. Memphis: William's "We stink" not same effect as MJ's.

29. Chicago: Cartwright feels like new Enron chief.