Let me live it.

That's what Alonzo Mourning told those closest to him when they asked him to quit.

He wouldn't die from playing basketball with a kidney disease, Mourning convinced them, he'd live through it. Then he'd decide whether or not to continue.

To look at Mourning now, an All-Star again, it seems the comeback is complete. But it's not. You know those hard times, the ones that make a comeback triumphant? Mourning still has them.

So while the Miami Heat center is the inspiration to every All-Star, this isn't the happy ending. This is just one of the more pleasant moments in his decision-making process.

He's still living it.

"I'm so proud of his courage," Mourning's friend and former Georgetown teammate Dikembe Mutombo said. "At the beginning, I was discouraged myself because he was sick and he was trying to play. It was tough for us, his friends, to take it. He was like, `Give me a chance. I will come back.'

"He proved all of us wrong."

Dealing with change

Mourning first had to prove himself right. And that was difficult considering that he couldn't even see straight his first time back on a court after being diagnosed.

"It wasn't good," Mourning said. "It felt different. The ball felt different, just being out there felt different. I felt light-headed, the whole gym was spinning. Just shooting the ball didn't feel that good or anything. This was like a couple weeks after I just played in the (2000 Olympic) gold-medal game. It was tough to digest that, knowing that I was just pretty much at one of the highest points in my life -- just had a little girl and I got the gold medal -- to now this. I was like, `Man, I've got to start from scratch again.' "

From there it was small steps. Mourning, whose motto is "Things take time," learned the details of his disease, because knowledge helps combat fear. Once he was able to, he began riding a stationary bike and lifting very light weights. Then there was yoga class to help with his flexibility and breathing. Then there was basketball.

"I saw a lot of probably confusion with Zo -- fear, obviously, the unknowable, not knowing what was going to happen prior to him getting on the court," Heat coach Pat Riley said. "I think the one thing that I noticed when he got back was probably a loss of confidence and questioning of his game because he couldn't do exactly the things that he used to do all the time. And I think that was normal."

It took some time, but Mourning found his game. Along the way he also found out how painful his new life would be. A life without the luxury of anti-inflammatory pills.

"You don't really feel it until after the game's over with, when your body settles," Mourning said. "Or in the morning when you roll out of bed, and before you even stand up to go to the bathroom, you sit on the side of the bed for a good three minutes just to gather yourself. That's when I feel it."

Power of positive thinking

With the help of holistic doctors, Mourning found some natural medicine to help his body recover quicker. That helped him grow accustomed to the daily pains. But less than a week into the regular season, Mourning was hit with yet another curveball. This one felt like a medicine ball to the gut.

It was a virus so debilitating that he couldn't leave his bed or eat for two days.

"Those two days were some very discomforting days," Mourning said. "That was the first time I had ever gone through a period where I wasn't able to eat for a whole day, since I had started my medication. Really two whole days, I wasn't able to eat; I wasn't hungry for nothing. And because I wasn't able to eat, I couldn't take my medicine. They had I.V.s in me and everything."

Meanwhile, Mourning's team was losing. A lot. But Mourning, ever the optimist, never considered retiring. Instead he got better, pulled the Heat out of a dreadful slump and made himself All-Star material again.

The way of the athlete

Still, there's the reality of how incomplete the comeback remains. On the day he was announced a reserve for Sunday's All-Star Game in Philadelphia, Mourning missed his second straight game with the flu, sitting out a total of four days before practicing again.

"That fifth day when we came back to practice, the day before the San Antonio game, man I was hurting in here (the practice court)," Mourning said. "I can't believe how many times I ran to that trash can."

A professional athlete working himself to the point of vomiting, actually, is more common than it sounds. In fact, Mourning did it before he had a kidney disease, and he still will throw up into a cup on the bench during games.

But now Mourning needs to be well hydrated at all times, so getting sick doesn't help matters.

"I've been doing that all my career," Mourning said. "I don't know . . . I've got a stomach problem and it's like nervous energy. It's not good at all, but as long as I continue to put the fluids in. . . . After I vomit, I continue to try to put fluids in."

Mourning convincing himself everything is all right. That's just what his college coach, John Thompson, knew Mourning would do. That's why Thompson was one of Mourning's many scared loved ones.

"I was worried for him because Alonzo is a very driven person," Thompson said. "It's the nature of the athlete to always overcome pain, to always overcome adversity. But I knew this was far more serious than any normal thing, and I worried about him getting on that channel of, `I'm just going to fight through this.'

"That's what scared me. And it's still a worry of mine. That's not a worry that's gone. Every time I hear somebody say he's sick, I talk to him and he says, `I'm OK, coach, I'm OK.' But that's what he says all the time."

Mourning actually does hold back some. He sits out a practice every now and again to let his body recover.

"Once I decide to practice, I go through the practice," he said. "But there have been some times where I come in and say, `Look, coach, can I get the day because this is bothering me. I'm sore; my knee's bothering me.' "

Lessons to be learned

There are still constant reminders that Mourning has to learn more about playing with the disease. Just last month Mourning's nephrologist, Gerald Appel, altered his medication to help Mourning's stamina.

That's why his comeback is far from complete. And why tonight's game is not his crowning moment.

"People say, `Hey, man, I know you're happy about playing in the All-Star Game and it's a big honor,' " Mourning said. "People say, `I know you're getting up to playing against the Knicks.' It ain't about who I play, what I play in or anything. It's about just being able to play. That's what it's about for me. Just knowing where I was and having all those doubts and not thinking I was going to be able to play at the level I'm playing at now. Just knowing that I'm able to play another game makes me feel good, makes me feel like I've accomplished something. That's really how I feel about it all. Really."

And everyone watching feels like Mourning's an inspiration. Really.

"You got a guy like Alonzo where one minute he's getting a gold medal and the next minute doctors are suggesting he's going to have to go through dialysis and never play again," Appel said. "Now Zo is not just a player on the team but he's a leader on the team. It is remarkable.

"It's just like looking at Lance Armstrong."