1. L.A. Lakers: Shaq's team has toehold on top spot.

2. San Antonio: Second-quarter exams tougher for Parker.

3. Sacramento: Reserve Sixth Man of the Year award for Jackson.

4. Minnesota: Saunders doing Flips after not taking Blazers gig.

5. Dallas: Bradley standing out ? on the bench.

6. New Jersey: Kidd making serious run at MVP.

7. Milwaukee: Ham hanging out with Mason too much.

8. Boston: The Green People are returning.

9. Phoenix: Hardaway showing sturdiness of Bionic man.

10. Indiana: Best puts trade demand on hold.

11. Toronto: The Dream Shake turning into the Worn-out Wiggle.

12. Seattle: Roller-coaster team on a high.

13. L.A. Clippers: Young guns about to experience road kill.

14. Utah: Even Polynice stopped attending home games.

15. Detroit: Advice to Carlisle: Stay East, young man.

16. Washington: Collins no longer needs medication.

17. Portland: Fans want Whitsitt to trade himself.

18. New York: Chaney hopes he's not interim like Argentine prez.

19. Orlando: Magic needs new building and new rebuilding plan.

20. Charlotte: Mashburn can't stomach shaky season.

21. Philadelphia: Will Brown bag 76ers?

22. Denver: Clyde gliding into head-coaching spot.

23. Golden State: Jackson playing fantasy basketball with himself.

24. Cleveland: Hill makes long climb back from injury.

25. Atlanta: Kruger having too many nightmares.

26. Houston: Norris can get some sleep with Francis back.

27. Memphis: Gasol needs no translation for J-Will's no-looks.

28. Miami: Next, Brian Grant to cut chest hairs.

29. Chicago: Referees wary of Cartwright's elbows from sideline.