1. San Antonio: 1-1/2 towers are enough.

2. L.A. Lakers: Grizzlies loss disqualifies from No. 1.

3. Sacramento: Lead NBA in highlights even without J-Will.

4. Minnesota: Nitpick: Garnett taking too many jumpers.

5. Dallas: Eschmeyer the reincarnation of McIlvaine.

6. New Jersey: Celebrity sightings only at road games.

7. Milwaukee: Riley can't believe Bucks not winning more.

8. Boston: Drawback to success: Walker's shimmies.

9. Detroit: Imagine if point guards weren't bargain basement.

10. Phoenix: Jake (Voskuhl) replaces Jake (Tsakalidis) at center.

11. L.A. Clippers: Three-pointers are right on 'Q'.

12. Portland: Whitsitt's next move: masking tape over Wells' lip.

13. Toronto: Antonio Davis playing like he signed with Bulls.

14. Indiana: Isiah Thomas not sending holiday Roses to Jalen.

15. Orlando: Hill clinches starring role in "Unbreakable 2"

16. Utah: Amaechi should serve tea to earn paycheck.

17. New York: Spree also wants to flee.

18. Charlotte: Owners would move to Tora Bora for right deal.

19. Seattle: Even owner on injured list, with broken nose.

20. Washington: It's official: Wizards no longer stink.

21. Philadelphia: Teammates next to sue Iverson ? for not passing.

22. Denver: Fans should protest Issel's GM moves.

23. Cleveland: Ilgauskas's foot still intact.

24. Golden State: New rule: No golfing for Blaylock during practice.

25. Atlanta: Terry managing to look smooth in knee-high socks.

26. Memphis: After last two victories, maybe Elvis really is alive.

27. Miami: Losses giving Riley more wrinkles than Barbara Bush.

28. Houston: Francis claims Rockets not guilty of losing streak.

29. Chicago: Real reason columnist Michael Holley suddenly bolted.