If you guessed the prototypical NBA player ? in physique, age and experience ? which name would come to mind?

Certainly not Shaquille O'Neal, who should be banned because of his freakish mix of size and athleticism. And not Clippers guard Earl Boykins, who, at 5-feet-5, reminds you more of a midget than an NBA player.

Kobe Bryant? Gary Payton? Ray Allen?

Give up?

According to a recent analysis by the NBA of its 29 teams, the best example of its players is ... Darvin Ham.

The Milwaukee forward is 6-7 and 230 pounds with four years experience in the league. The average NBA player is a 27-year-old who stands 6-7, weighs 224 pounds and has been in the league almost five years.

(Past prototype players were Utah's Bryon Russell and Dallas' Michael Finley.)

The analysis also showed that, despite not having a rookie on the roster, the Clippers remain the youngest team in the NBA with an average age of 24.8.

The oldest team in the NBA? One clue is that its former coach had bags under his eyes although he was under 40: The Knicks have an average age of 30.

One surprise in the analysis is that the Sonics are the tallest team, with an average height of 6-8. That's pretty odd for a team whose weakness has been its frontcourt, particularly in size.

Seattle has only one player who is at least 7 feet (Jerome James). But the presence of forward Vin Baker at 6-11, and small forwards Rashard Lewis and Vladimir Radmanovic at 6-11, boosts Seattle's height.

Bulk is a different matter. The NBA's heaviest team is the Charlotte Hornets with an average of 233 pounds. How's that possible with Derrick Coleman ? who was put on the injured list last season for being too fat ? being traded to Philadelphia?

The 76ers are actually the skinniest team in the league at 206 pounds.

The Blazers are the shortest team in the league, averaging 6-6.

Other snippets from the study:

? The NBA's tallest player is Shawn Bradley at 7-6. The shortest player is Boykins, who is also the lightest at 133 pounds.

? The oldest player is John Stockton at 39, who beat the mummified Patrick Ewing by 132 days. And the youngest player is 18-year-old Eddy Curry, the Bulls center who went from the preps to the pros.

Oakley speak

Charles Oakley is having the worst season of his career, averaging 32 percent shooting and 7.3 rebounds per game. (Statistics for blown layups haven't been kept.)

Oakley's best value has been his analogies. So here's a few of them, touching on smoke signals to coffee shops in helping.

? The Bulls' slow start: "We're so deep and low in the woods that we can't even start a fire big enough for anybody to see us, see our fire or even any smoke signals."

? The future of Coach Tim Floyd: "If you have a horse that isn't winning any races, sooner or later you have to get a new jockey."

? The Bulls' decline: "They had a dynasty here. Now, they have a coffee shop. Would you rather have a Rolls Royce dealership or a coffee shop?"

? Oakley's inflated view of himself: "I was a Cadillac with the back window shot out when they bought me. So they're going to ride it or put it in the shop. The window still ain't fixed. So what do you want? It's still $3,099. Take it or leave it. I ain't really said nothing yet."

Actually, you've said enough.

Three-second calls

Here's a team most NBA players would prefer over selection to the All-Star quad: The NBA's highest-paid players by position. Point guard Gary Payton earns $12.93 million; Knicks shooting guard Allan Houston makes $12.75 million; Minnesota small forward Kevin Garnett earns $22.4 million; Dallas power forward Juwan Howard steals $18.75 million despite not starting; and the Lakers' Shaquille O'Neal earns $21.43 million. ... The Raptors were praised this summer after spending about $250 million to lock up Vince Carter, Antonio Davis, Alvin Williams and Jerome Williams. But those deals have been looking like an investment in Enron with Toronto struggling this season. ... Philadelphia Daily News columnist John Smallwood penned a book, "Allen Iverson: Fear No One," recently published by Simon and Schuster. Right now, no one fears the 76ers. ... Spurs fans shouldn't get too excited about the best start in Tim Duncan's career. The All-Star big man didn't exactly give them hope after being asked about becoming a free-agent in 2003. "I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. So I'm not worried about what everybody's planning over the next how many years." ... Strange factoid: Only seven NBA coaches have more tenure with their teams than Chicago's Tim Floyd. ... Miami's Jimmy Jackson is on his eighth team in 10 years. Jackson's career has been so peripatetic that three of his current Heat teammates were with him on other teams. Or should we describe Jackson's career as peri-pathetic since he never lived up to all his talent? ... Bucks Coach George Karl gave Rafer Alston the worst assessment imaginable after the guard was sluggish in the last four minutes of a blowout: "He's one of the worst, bench garbage players I've ever been associated with." This from a man who coached Steve Scheffler. Haven't picked on O.P. in a couple weeks: Is it possible for Predrag Drobnjak to resemble Olden Polynice? Oh, that's picking on Drobnjak. ... The Clippers might look like a playoff team now, but don't bet on Donald Sterling's bunch. With a center accused of beating up his girlfriend and a co-captain "experimenting" with pot, the Clippers won't have the mental toughness when the schedule evens up.