I want gumbo.

The concession stand between Sections 107 and 108 does not sell gumbo.

I want red beans and rice.

The concession stand does not sell red beans and rice.

I like pralines.

The Charlotte Coliseum does not sell pralines.

Bread pudding?

The folks behind the counter don't sell bread pudding.

A hurricane would be nice.

Draft beer is the best they can do.

Sell me some beads.

Can't.

Why?

Don't have any.

I'll tell you something else the Charlotte Hornets don't have - a sense of humor.

The team's owners were in Louisiana Thursday. Were they there as part of a swap, as in Charlotte sends Ray Wooldridge and George Shinn to Louisiana for Louisiana State football coach Nick Saban, who goes to the Carolina Panthers, and a voodoo priest to be named later?

No. The owners were in Louisiana to profess their love for their new favorite town.

"We love New Orleans," said Ray. "We love this market," George said after being greeted with a standing ovation.

If you love New Orleans that much, fellows, share it. Sell Saints' T-shirts and Louis Armstrong CDs in the Charlotte Coliseum hallway and pay a zydeco band to perform at halftime of the Hornets-Philadelphia game.

Have some kid walk up and say, "I can tell you where you got those shoes." And you say, "Where?" And he says, "Charlotte Coliseum." And expects you to give him money.

You want to offer fans of the Hornets the definitive New Orleans experience? Give last call at the Crown Club at 5a.m.

Tell me this would not be the ultimate joke on Charlotte. Yet, not a thing in the Coliseum says New Orleans, at least not until you go to the media room computer and call up neworleanshornets.com.

How bizarre is this. The Hornets play in Charlotte and have a Web site in New Orleans.

The site features a black and gold bee playing a trumpet, an 800 number and free advice - "It's time for local and national media to stop perpetrating the lie that the Jazz left New Orleans because of lack of support."

I can't speak for the rest of the media, but I have never perpetrated the lie that the Jazz left New Orleans because of a lack of support.

The Jazz left because it had too much support. The team's owners got sick of fans showing up game after game and filling the parking lot, clogging the concession lines and sitting in all the good seats. Players, meanwhile, grew tired of the adulation.

Call the number - 1-800-596-1515 - and you get the Bring the Hornets to New Orleans hotline. You can't actually buy a season ticket, but if you leave your name, you get priority if such a thing should ever exist.

Courtside season tickets will go for about $10,500, which is about $2,000 more than they sell for in Charlotte. There's still no word about the price of pralines.